


Teasing Atlantis

by BlackHunter666



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen, Male Strippers, Morale Boosting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-03-09 04:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3236078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackHunter666/pseuds/BlackHunter666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morale is down in the great city of Atlantis and Carson has an idea about how to make things a little more like Earth. He's not totally confident he can make this work but he'd certainly going to try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Carson couldn't help but worry about the constant strain that the expedition personnel were under. He had a plan on how to create some leisure time that was bound to bring a smile to everyone's haggard faces. It had been easy at the start, finding willing volunteers for the show. Sometimes being the one that people least suspect is a good thing. It got a lot harder after the performers were chosen but Carson was never one to back away from a challenge

+^+^+^+

The small group was gathered in Carson's quarters, wondering what was going on. They were waiting for Carson to show and passed the time with wild debates over why they were here. They all turned to look as Carson walked in, smiling slyly as he looked the group over.  
'Sorry I'm late. Now, straight into business. I have already spoken to Dr Weir about this and anyone who has any problems with standing in front of crowds, leave now. Also, anyone who doesn't like the idea of possibly embarrassing themselves should leave now.' he started and quietly several people left. Rodney seemed to hesitate for a moment but when Radek made no move to leave, he figured it was safe.

Carson waited until they had gone before turning back to the rest of the group.  
'Come on Carson, spill. What are you up to?' Lorne asked, watching the doctor closely.  
'Patience Major, patience. As I said, I have already spoken to Dr Weir about this and she believes it would be a good idea if some of us could come up with some entertainment for one evening some time in the future. She is currently organising the women into one group and we are the second group. There's nothing to panic about everyone, we're preforming for the women's eyes only.' Carson went on, watching the group and waiting to see if anyone caught on to the idea.  
'Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?' Sheppard asked in disbelief.  
'Depends on what you think I'm suggesting.' Carson prompted, relaxing a little more.  
'You want us to strip for the women!?' Radek supplied, eyebrows almost disappearing under his bangs. No one said a word for a few moments, too busy digesting what had been said.  
'I suppose he could come out again.' Ronon uttered, looking down for a moment.  
'Ronon!' Sheppard barked, shaking his head slowly.  
'What? You try being totally celibate for eight and a half years. It's no picnic.' Ronon replied with a shrug.  
'Are you sure this is such a good idea Doc?' Lorne asked, chewing his bottom lip nervously.  
'Aye Major, I'm sure. Surely ye've noticed the way that the ladies around here admire ye when you walk past.' Carson replied; shrugging at the look McKay shot him.  
'Count me in.' Kavanagh announced bravely, hoping that no one would make too much of a fuss about his participation.  
'Yeah, I'll do it.' Ronon added, mind elsewhere.  
'I will have a go.' Radek called, smiling slightly.  
'Sure, why not.' Lorne added, purposefully ignoring Sheppard standing behind him.  
'Fine, I'll do it.' McKay retorted, obviously not looking forward to the idea, but far be it from him to back away from a challenge.  
'Alright, I'll do it.' Sheppard finished, seeing he was hopelessly outvoted.  
'And I'll make seven. Meet back here tomorrow at three. Wear yer most comfortable clothes and we'll see what we've got to work with.' Carson finished and the group broke apart, no one really sure why they had signed up for this idea in the first place.

+^+^+^+

Carson was about ready to scream by half way through their first practise. Rodney had slammed his elbow into Lorne's nose, which had distracted Sheppard and he had trodden on Radek's foot. Ronon had managed to avoid most of the pile up but he danced like the Empire state building. Kavanagh had been doing okay too, right up to the moment he tripped over his own two feet.  
'What are you trying to do McKay?' Lorne growled when Carson cut the music.  
'Don't blame me, I was pushed.' McKay replied, glaring up at Ronon.   
'Next time, watch where you're standing!' Radek added, rubbing his foot as he hopped around.   
'Perhaps it's time we went to plan B. Forget about one song for us all and bring me in any of your favourite songs. I'll come up with a mix and the order and we'll work on individual routines for each of us. Maybe then we won't kill each other before the show.' Carson broke in, sitting Radek on the bed and ushering Lorne into the bathroom.  
'That's probably a smart idea. It would be nice to have at least one group dance though, even if it is just to get people up and dancing.' Sheppard replied, grabbing his towel and rubbing at the back of his neck.  
'We will, don't worry about that. Something lively and fun that will get everyone pumped for a fun filled evening.' Carson called from the bathroom where he was tending to Lorne's bloody nose.  
'Don't know if I'll be much help on the music side.' Ronon added, grabbing his drink bottle.  
'I've know just the perfect song for you. Does anyone have "Bad to the Bone" by George someone or another?' Carson asked, walking out of the bathroom and drying off his hands.  
'George Thourogood and yeah, I've got it.' Lorne replied, following Carson back into the main room.  
'Perfect. Give it some thought every one and bring in your choices some time in the next few days. Practise will be here at the same time next week.' Carson added as the group went their separate ways.


	2. Three Months Later

Carson had moved their practise sessions to the briefing room so they had more room and would spend half the practise session watching the different performances coming together. A couple of them had even started working on their costumes, gathering things they would need and sending requisitions back to earth for things as well. They were all learning things about themselves and the people they worked with, some of the surprises were good, some were a little more unusual.  
'Radek, I had no idea ye could do that.' Carson called, slack jawed as Radek went right down into the splits.  
'I have not done that it many years; it is good to see that I still can.' Radek replied as he rose, bringing his hands up as he undulated his body, feeling the rhythm of his chosen song as he moved. Sheppard smiled as he moved, his new Stetson hiding his face as he swayed, muscles rippling with every movement. He tipped it back with one finger before he started working on his buttons, turning his back to the group as it slid down well defined arms to catch at his wrists. 

They took a short break a little while later and relaxed in the chairs that they had pushed against the far wall.  
'Oh, ye should probably get used to these too. They're not paying to see us strip to whatever underwear ye prefer.' Carson added, pulling several small bags from his pocket. 'Well, don't be shy, it's best that we find out the problems now than wait until show time to realise they're no' right.' he continued, handing them around. The group broke apart and walked out, returning a few minutes later. Everyone kept their backs turned as they disrobed and lined up in black silk G-strings.  
'Damn Doc, what you got hiding in there?' Lorne asked, trying not to stare at Radek's impressive package.  
'All the men in my family are large. Is that a nipple ring Carson?' Radek replied, rolling one shoulder in a shrug.  
'Aye, I've had that since I finished university. That's a verra interesting tattoo ye've got there Colonel.' Carson added. Sheppard went slightly red as he turned around, revealing a sweet red, blue and green butterfly on his left cheek.  
'I'm not even going to ask.' Lorne uttered, shaking his head.  
'You can't talk Lorne. I know that you've got one too.' Sheppard replied. Lorne stared at Sheppard for a moment before he turned around, a pink heart with Mom written on it, pasted on his right cheek.  
'Mom wanted to know that I'd never be far from her love, regardless of how far apart we were.' he offered as he turned around again.   
'That makes sense, as does my own tattoo.' Radek added, smiling at the look of shock on Rodney's face. Radek turned just enough to reveal the tattoo spread across his shoulder. It was simple enough, the Czech flag, but everyone on Atlantis understood the importance of always remembering home.  
'I'm sure that come show time, we'll find out even more about each other, but only time will tell. Try to spend at least a couple hours every day getting used to these too, there's less support and they will stretch and settle over time. Get dressed and we'll run through Agadoo again from the top.' Carson finished as he yanked his shirt on, smiling softly.

+^+^+^+

They finished practise on a high, having gone right through their group song twice with almost no mistakes. Any that were made were easily corrected with a minimum of fuss and they kept going, smiling and laughing as they danced, all of them totally swept up in the music.  
'That will do for today everyone. Remember what we discussed earlier and I'll see ye all at our next practise.' Carson called, hanging his towel around his neck as he walked out, the rest of the group dispersing after him.


	3. Two Months Later

Carson was unable to tear the grin off his face as he walked into Weir's office, a bundle of papers under one arm.  
'How goes the rehearsals?' she asked, looking up from her laptop.  
'We're well ahead o' schedule. Costumes are finished, music and lighting are all organised, the stage is built and ready to be brought in and bolted together, the curtains and backdrops are ready to hang and the posters are finished.' Carson replied as he set the bundle down and pulled out one of the pages, sliding it across the desk. Elizabeth took it and turned it around, a smile slowly spreading across her face.  
'Wraithbait? Honestly Carson, couldn't you come up with anything better?' she asked, looking back up at him.  
'It was Ronon's idea and we took a vote on it. The other choices were Atlantean Angels or Dancing Devils.' Carson replied with a shrug. Weir nodded and turned her attention back to the A3 page on her desk. Ronon's imposing black clad body was flanked by disco Lorne and cowboy Sheppard. In front of them stood Canadian Mountie Rodney, confederate soldier Kavanagh and between them was Carson in a black take on his traditional kilt. Right at the very front, down on the floor was Radek, once again in the splits and seeming to be totally relaxed.  
'Nice work on the Radek fake up.' she commented with a grin.  
'That's no fake up Elizabeth; Radek really can do the splits. We were all a little shocked when he did it the first time but now we're used to it. How's everything going on your end?' Carson explained, taking a seat.  
'Everything is ready; all teams have been told that if they are off world that night, there will be no radioing in until after the show. The Daedalus will bring in the last of the supplies we need next week and then you'll have a fortnight to put the finishing touches together and be ready for the show. Have you got a good song for the interlude? All the women will be allocated a sum of money when they enter the room and will 'pay' those they feel were enjoyable.' Weir replied, leaning back in her chair.  
'Aye, one by the Guns N Roses, "Live and Let Die". I didn't think anyone here had money with them.' Carson said, checking his notes quickly.  
'Ah, and there in lies the fun. We brought a whole stack of monopoly sets and will use that money for the show. It'll be one way to see who the ladies prefer out of the troupe.' Weir explained as she rose and tacked the poster up on the wall behind her desk, grinning softly. Carson chuckled as he rose and gathered up the rest of the bundle.  
'Excellent, everything will be ready on time. I've just got to put these up and we're ready to rock. What time will we be able to start getting the stage set up?' he asked, flipping over to a clean page in his notebook.  
'The last team is due to leave at about three that day which gives you about five hours to get everything set up. Is that long enough?' Weir replied, checking the roster on her laptop.  
'Plenty of time. Got to run, we've still got to put together the stage cover for Evan's routine. Carson replied before turning and walking out, whistling softly to himself.

+^+^+^+

Ronon and Teyla were going at it in the sparing room but Ronon's mind wasn't totally on the fight. Teyla stopped before she hurt him and regarded him kindly.  
'Is something troubling you Ronon?' she asked, setting her sticks down on the bench.  
'No, I'm just thinking about this.' Ronon replied as he drew a copy of the poster from his bag and handed it to Teyla. She unrolled it carefully and smiled as she looked at it.  
'I did not realise that you were involved in this as well. Perhaps backstage, but dancing?' she added, looking back up at him.  
'It's good exercise, fun and a chance to see what the women around here really think about me. I'll tell you this much though, I've got nothing on Dr Z, that man is amazing.' Ronon replied with a shrug as Carson stuck his head in.  
'You still okay to help me with these Ronon?' he asked; the posters under one arm.  
'Sure, we were just finishing up here. Keep it Teyla, we've got plenty.' Ronon replied before following Carson from the room. Teyla grinned as she re-rolled the poster and slipped it into her bag before walking away.


	4. Three Weeks Later

Radek peered nervously out through a gap in the curtains, swallowing when he saw the size of the crowd. Carson grinned as he handed the Czech a small glass of brandy.  
'Don't worry, you'll be fine Radek.' he added softly before walking away, passing glasses of brandy to everyone. Radek nodded and turned his back on the curtain and went to relax beside Rodney, trying to ignore the music coming from the other side of the curtain.  
'I still don't think I want to do this.' Kavanagh muttered, throwing back his drink.  
'You can't back out now, everything is ready. Just forget about the audience and focus on the dance. You will be fine.' Radek replied, sipping his own drink  
'That's easy for you to say, you've got a dick anyone could be proud of.' Kavanagh growled, looking around for another drink.  
'That may be so, but that is not the only thing that counts. Work with your strengths, your hair, your build or whatever else comes to mind. You will be payed as long as you give it your best shot.' Radek added, resting one hand lightly on Kavanagh's shoulder.  
'Yeah, I guess so. Thanks Radek, that's just what I needed to hear.' Kavanagh agreed with a smile.  
'Five minutes everyone.' Carson called softly and the group gathered behind the backdrop curtain, helping each other organise the final touches for the first song. Very gently, Carson handed around leis for everyone and a bright blue ukulele which he handed to Ronon.  
'I still can't believe I let you talk me into this too.' Ronon uttered as he took the instrument and shrugged.  
'Well, ye could trade it ta someone else but tha' would put our line all out of whack. Ye're in the middle so ye get the ukulele.' Carson replied softly and with a grin. 

They lined up near the entry and waited. Carson reached out and tapped play, starting the intro for them. He had pre recorded everything so all they would have to do was hit play and away they went.  
'Welcome to he first ever performance by Wraithbait! Please turn off all cameras, video recorders and phones. Now let's here it for Radek, Calvin, Evan, Ronon, John, Rodney and Carson!' the crowd went nuts as the lights changed to a warm shade, lighting up a beach scene and the first few notes of Agadoo thumped through the system. The group filed out of the painted hut and lined up, swaying into it and smiling.  
'A-ga-do do doo, push pineapple, shake the tree. Aga-do do doo, push pineapple, grind coffee. To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees. Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody.' they sang as they danced, encouraged by the wild cheers from the women seated in front of them. There was no way that they couldn't have fun as they jumped around and twirled, their loud Hawaiian shirts making quite the statement as they moved. 

They were all panting slightly as they slipped back into the hut and John hurried to get changed. Carson manned the audio station again, bringing up the right introduction as soon as John was ready. The lights went down and Ronon quickly hauled the new backdrop into position as Sheppard walked over, mopping at his neck as he adjusted his hat. His backdrop was simply a desert scene which seemed to fit both the song and the costume.  
'First up we have John. He hails from Arizona, loves country music and walking on the beach as dusk. Put your hands together for John!!' the women went nuts as Sheppard walked out onto the stage, slouching slightly, a stalk of wheat between his teeth. Free to Be Me by The Wolverines started softly and he rocked with it, hips swaying from side to side until the lyrics came through. He lifted his head, tipped back his hat and grinned, earning even more wild cheers as he slowly unbuttoned his blue plaid shirt, making as if he was going to put it back on a couple times before turning and letting it slide down to pool at his wrists. He pulled his left hand free and spun his shirt over his head, letting it sail into the crowd. It landed right in front of Weir, completely by accident. He then turned his attention to his boots, sliding his hands down each leg in turn and levering them off, giving the ladies a great view of his ass. By the time his hands were back at his belt, the crowd was in a frenzy, cheering and screaming their hearts out. He winked quickly before undoing his belt and starting on his fly, opening and closing it a few times before turning to the right and shimmying out of them, leaving him in just his black silk G-string and a second leather belt with two cap guns in it. The jeans were kicked to the rear of the stage and Carson was able to hook them and drag them off to the side while still staying out of sight. Sheppard just went with the beat, shaking his booty at the audience, regardless of the comments he was bound to receive for his tattoo. As the music died away he tipped his hat back forward and ambled off as though nothing had changed.

The girls went quiet as they waited for the next dancer to emerge. Carson nodded to John before bringing up the next intro file as Ronon switched the background again.   
'Next up we've got Calvin from Seattle. He likes nothing more than a romantic dinner under the stars. Let's hear you raise the roof for Calvin!' it called and the women cheered as the lights came up and Calvin was already on stage, standing in what looked to be an Asgard ship, but proportioned to make him look the right size. Calvin looked up as Sticks and Stones by Suzi Quatro started and stepped down from the platform, moving to centre stage and slowly gyrating his hips. The first thing to go was the little grey hat and with a flick of the chin, his long hair was free and shining with vitality. Then, with aching slowness, he eased out of the heavy grey woollen jacket and flicked it into the crowd, landing right amongst a group of scientists. The shirt came off with the same slow speed and he rubbed the silk over his ass as he moved, as if he was drying off after a shower. The cheers encouraged him as he let it fall and replicated Sheppard's move with his own mid calf length black leather boots. He shoved his shirt into one and tossed them back behind him before crouching and playing with his fly for a moment or two. He then stood and turned his back to the crowd, swaying his hips from side to side as he slid out of his pants. These were also flicked backwards before he bent forward, his hair falling about his head as he peered back at the women before rising and gyrating his hips as he turned, winking at them before the lights went down and he slipped off stage.

Radek switched the backdrops this time as Carson found the next intro file and hit play.  
'Hailing from Sateda, our next dancer enjoys training and spending time with his friends. Make some noise for Ronon!' the lights slowly came up, revealing a perfectly painted event horizon flapping softly in the breeze created by a couple fans backstage. As the first notes of Bad to the Bone by George Thourogood started playing, Ronon emerged from the event horizon, dressed head to toe in black, sword holster in his hand. He strutted forward, scanning the area constantly and finding no threats, got straight into his routine. His long black coat slid silently off his shoulders and he bundled it up, lobbing it expertly into the crowd to land in Dr Esposito's lap. He smiled quickly before undulating his body in a slow circle, slipping out of his shirt as he turned. This he dropped at his feet before drawing his sword and twirling it for a little while. He tucked his sword away and moved onto his boots, kneeling to slip them off and set them neatly beside his shirt before rising and undulating his hips again, muscles rippling under the soft lighting that did him many favours. He shoved his hands through his hair as he wriggled down, showing off the length and thickness of it. The women were screaming and cheering as he slowly unbuckled his gun belt and let it fall before the chaps followed them off. He toyed with the laces for a second before pulling them free and wriggling out of his pants, inch by glorious inch. He hesitated a few times, as if he had changed his mind before continuing until they were pooled at his feet and he stepped out of them, dropping into a wide kneed crouch and locking eyes with sweet Dr Esposito. She winked and he returned it before rising, gathering up his gear and doing an amazing backflip on the way out, without putting his hands down.

He passed McKay as he landed and grinned before moving to take over at the backdrop ropes again. Radek flipped over to the next one before moving back, slumping into one of the chairs as he waited for his turn.  
'All the way from Montreal, let's welcome Rodney. He enjoys heated scientific discussions and romantic evenings. Come on ladies, le's hear what you think of Rodney!' the crowd went nuts as Rodney walked out onto the stage, chin held high as Knock on Wood by Amii Stewart blasted through the room. A soft scent of pine boughs filled the air as he took centre stage in his Canadian Mountie uniform. Writhing sensually up and down, he slowly unbuttoned his jacket, swirling it over head before crouching and gently tossing it to Katie, right in front of him. She beamed as she folded it in her lap, eyes full of love. Rodney winked at her before pulling himself back to his full height and slowly turning around, letting everyone admire the way he had changed in the five months had had been working on this. Gone was the softness around his belly, replaced now with smooth skin and taut muscles. Rather than having to take off his boots, Rodney went straight for his fly and hesitated a moment before ripping his pants off along specially constructed Velcro seams. The women went nuts as he danced and Katie rose, stuffing several bills into his G-string. Rodney beamed as he sat on the edge of the stage, took her hand and lightly kissed it before rising and getting back into his routine as if nothing had changed. Katie blushed softly as she returned to her seat and the music wound down. Rodney tipped his hat to the crowd before gathering up his clothes and jogging off, smiling fit to burst.

He passed Lorne as he went, counting the bills that Katie had tucked into his G-string.  
'How come you already got paid?' Sheppard asked, munching on some hot chips sent down from the commissary.  
'Katie was in the front row.' Rodney replied with a shrug. The lights were down a little longer this time as the rest the crew hurried to set Lorne's backdrop and stage cover up. Lorne waited nervously as the group filed back in behind the curtains and Carson started his intro.  
'Coming to you from Portland, Oregon...Evan. He enjoys reading and picnics in the forest. Get your dancing shoes on and let's hear it for Evan!' Lorne did this awesome little knee slid out onto the stage, bopping away to Footloose by Kenny Loggins. The women went ballistic as they took in his gold lamé flares and skin tight, long sleeved red shirt. Throwing himself into a fast spin, Lorne ripped his shirt open, the Velcro under the buttons keeping shrapnel to a minimum. This he lobbed neatly into Dr Keller's lap before spinning off again, really getting into the swing of things now. He cut loose and pulled out as many of those old dance fads as he could, just having a blast. He froze and did these little hip jerks as he slid his pants over his hips, a sexy smile on his face. The cheering hit fever pitch as he slipped out of his pants and shoes, kicking them off stage as he whirled and shook his booty at the women, knowing he was going to cop all kinds of crap for his tattoo. He slipped off stage to the sound of raucous cheering and wild applause, taking the water that Carson offered and drinking deep. The rest of the group hurried out and removed the light up stage cover and disco ball before ducking out of sight again.

Radek bounced nervously as he waited for his turn. Ronon yanked in the next backdrop and plugged in the last of the lights, turning what had originally been a plain black backdrop into a beautiful, sparkling star field.  
'Live, all the way from the Czech Republic, Radek. Ladies, if you're looking for a man who enjoys lazy Sunday lunches and romantic surprises, here's your man. Give it up for Radek!' the spotlight flared to life, revealing Radek in pure white as Another One Bites The Dust by Queen filled the room. He bounced lightly on the balls of his feet in time with the beat, shoulders rolling as he moved and then, as the vocals started, he spun and strode forward, leaning froward as he moved, catching Teyla's gaze and holding it as he moved backwards in a series of small jumps. Threading one hand through his hair, he worked his shirt out of his pants with the other before bringing both hands to the task and slipping it off, bundling it up and throwing it like a basketball right into Teyla's hands. She started slightly before turning a brilliant smile onto Radek and setting his shirt on the table beside her and sipping casually on her wine. Radek returned the smile as he toed off his shoes and waved his ass at the crowd, encouraged by the wild cheering and wolf-whistling. With as much sensuality as he could muster, which turned out to be a lot, Radek slid and rolled his way out of the skin tight white pants and flicked them away, still keeping his back to the crowd as he moved, the metallic paint over his tattoo catching the light and drawing attention to it. He did a series of half turns, always keeping his groin hidden behind his thigh before he turned suddenly and slid seamlessly into the splits and held it as the song wound down. Just as the last few words came through, he rose and stood, chest puffed out and feet shoulder width apart as he weaved his arms in front of his face and swayed slowly. The women went totally crazy when they saw his package and poor Dr Biro toppled from her chair, out for the count. The lights went down as Radek walked off stage, head held high.

Carson smiled as Radek walked past, grabbing a drink from the table.  
'Oh, Dr Biro fainted too. Teyla is taking care of her.' he added, resting one hand on Carson's shoulder briefly.  
'Not a bad effort Radek, a fainter on the first night. Well done.' Carson replied as he brought up the last intro and tried to relax. Ronon nodded as he slid the last solo backdrop into place and stepped clear.  
'Last, but by no means least, all the way from the Scottish highlands, Carson. Here's a man who loves nothing more than relaxing with a nip of whiskey and a good friend or loved one. Come on ladies; show your appreciation for Carson!' He moved out onto the stage as I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers filled the air and everyone cheered, except Teyla who was still busy with Dr Biro. He didn't mind though as he fell into his routine, his well defined muscles shimmering under the warm stage lights. The women clapped along with the song, enthralled as he moved, snaking his way out of the waist length jacket and neatly tossing it to Lucy over on the far side. He didn't stop moving as he slowly removed his shoes and socks, sending them off stage with a casual flick of his wrist before whirling around in a circle, the small weights in his kilt just enough to keep it down as he spun. Next to go was his neatly ironed white shirt, removed with aching slowness. Gyrating his hips as he turned, Carson removed his sporran and sent it off to the side before resting his hands on the band of his kilt and going to walk away.   
'Take it all off!' Cadman yelled from her spot, lifting her beer high.  
'Oh, ye want more do ye?' Carson asked innocently and was almost deafened by the wild cheering he received in reply.  
'Well…I suppose I can do tha' for ye.' he added before turning back to face them and moving with almost feline grace, slowly unbuckled his belt and removed his kilt, folding it with precision and love over one arm. The women went wild, whooping and hollering and a rather groggy Dr Biro slowly rose to her feet, caught one look of Carson, standing there and promptly sat down, her jaw hanging somewhere around her knees. Carson bowed as the last few notes died away before he walked off stage, smiling and relaxed.

John nodded before keying the next speech, this one recorded by Ronon, just for something different.  
'We're not done yet ladies. There will be a short interlude and the performers will come down, mingle and collect your tips. After that, we'll swing right back into the show.' the group trooped back out onto the stage and down the small flight of stairs in the middle before splitting up and doing the rounds of the tables. As most of the group expected, Radek got most of the attention, but no one went without. Weir handed Sheppard his shirt as she slipped some cash into he waist of his G-string with a wink. Miko blushed slightly as she handed Kavanagh his shirt and the whole group shoved money in his underwear. Ronon handed Dr Esposito a drink as he joined her at one of the tables. She smiled warmly as she slipped a good portion of her money into his G-string but refused to hand over the jacket.  
'Its fine, you keep it.' he added softly before gently kissing her cheek and walking off. She went red and raced after him, shoving a few more bills down his crack before scampering off again. Katie hugged Rodney before giving him back his jacket and tucking several more bills into the band of his pants. Dr Keller was even less discrete than Rafaela and managed a half grope as she handed over her money willingly. Evan winked at her before moving on, his shirt slung casually over one shoulder. Carson was laughing as a group of nurses shoved bills into his G-string, amazed that he had the gall to get up and dance along with the rest of the group.  
'It wouldna be verra nice if I didna, now would it?' he asked, smiling warmly.  
'We wouldn't have thought any less of you.' Lucy replied, handing him a scotch on the rocks. Buried in the biggest group, Radek didn't know which way to turn. He was totally surrounded by crazed women, all wanting to pay for what they had seen so far. In the end, Radek simply took the cash in hand, amazed by how well his routine had been accepted.  
'Do save some for the others, they all deserve your adoration.' he said, grinning warmly.  
'Yeah, but you stole the show.' Laura Cadman replied with a wink as Teyla worked her way into the group.  
'That was…impressive.' she said, handing Radek several bills.  
'Thank you Teyla. Is Dr Biro all right?' Radek asked, looking around but finding no sign of the bubbly woman.  
'Yes, she is over at the bar at the moment.' Teyla replied, craning her neck to find her, perched on one of the stools.  
'That is good, if you will excuse me ladies, I must keep moving.' Radek agreed before working his way out of the press behind Teyla. As soon as they were clear, she handed him his shirt before walking away.

When the chaos had died down almost completely, the troupe returned to the stage and vanished from sight, removing all the money they had earned during the show so far.   
'See, you did just fine.' Radek added, nudging Kavanagh quickly.  
'You were right, it wasn't so bad. This is going to be the big jump now though. Are we really going to go through with it?' Kavanagh asked, looking over at Carson.  
'Aye lad, we are. There's no backing out now. There are only two more songs to go and we're all finished.' Carson replied with a grin and a shrug.  
'Both of which involve me losing my last shreds of dignity.' Kavanagh groused softly. Ronon cocked an eyebrow in his general direction but payed Kavanagh no mind.  
'Ow, god damn it.' Lorne cried, rubbing his crack quickly.  
'What happened?' Sheppard asked, still pulling bulls from his waistband.  
'I got a paper cut in my crack.' Lorne replied, holding a few bills up incriminatingly.  
'Ohh, not nice. Smear some of this on it just to be safe.' Carson added, tossing Lorne a small tube of antibiotic cream.  
'Thanks Doc.' Lorne replied before walking off, muttering under his breath.

As soon as they were ready again, Carson dug up the next speech file and nodded to the group. Ronon triggered the second to last backdrop, this one a beautifully painted sunrise, the golden orb just peering over the horizon.  
'And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. Put your hands together as the performers return to the stage and drop trou. I give you Wraithbait!' the cheering reached fever pitch as the guys strode back out onto the stage and took their places, moving slowly in time with the music. They all had their little routines that combined to create the routine for House of the Rising Sun by The Animals. Radek moved to the very front of the stage and fell into the splits again, grinning as the rest of the group took their places behind him, still moving and dancing slowly. As the song wound down, they moved back into a line, a couple steps back from the edge and swayed a few times before as one, they ripped away the G-strings to wild applause and crazed cheering. Biro swayed for a second but this time she stayed in her seat. If anything, she seemed to be right back to her usual self but Carson noticed that she wouldn't look directly at Radek for some reason. He shrugged the thought off and kept going, moving back into position at the front of the stage as they once again formed the same grouping as was on the posters. Radek winced slightly as he slid into position and adjusted himself quickly before sinking right to the floor. The women cheered, clapped and whistled as the lights went down and the group rose and vanished backstage. Carson waited a few seconds before bringing up the second last speech byte.  
'Have you ladies had enough?' Sheppard's voice asked.  
'No!' they replied, still whistling and clapping.  
'What do you want?' this time it was Radek's voice.  
'Encore!' Weir called back and her shout was soon taken up by the rest of the audience. Ronon nodded and flipped through to the last backdrop; plain black and stretched tight.  
'All right then ladies, we'll do one more song. Put your hands together one more time for Wraithbait!!!' Lorne's voice cut through them as the lights went down and the group filed out. They took their places on the stage as the opening beat of Reckless by Australian Crawl filled the room and the three strobe lights arranged around the stage flashed on in time with the beat, catching the men as they moved sensually beneath the harsh light. This one was much slower but that worked as a nice wind down after all the hard and fast dances that had come before. The room was dark enough to hide their movements between the flashes, so no one in the audience knew who was going to be where next. Biro clutched at the table when Radek appeared front and centre and only relaxed when he was gone again. Radek gave it no thought as he moved on, writhing and spinning slowly as he stretched muscles that would complain loudly for a few days to come but that didn't worry him at all, it had been worth it. Kavanagh stumbled during the next dark faze but worked with what he had and sprawled full length on the floor, playing the Greek statue minus the fig leaf. That fitted well with the finale anyway and as the song wound down the group moved to the front and struck a series of poses, each one modelled on a famous statue they personally liked. Michelangelo's David, Auguste Rodin's The Thinker and several others were all represented as the final notes died away. The men rose and slipped backstage and Carson triggered their final speech section.  
'That was Wraithbait ladies and we would just like to thank you all for coming to the show. The boys will be back in a few minutes for photographic opportunities and to sign autographs. Posters will be available at the bar for those who want them. Once again, we would like to thank you all for coming to see Wraithbait!' Rodney's voice rang out as the lights came up in the room and Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple started playing. 

The guys came back out a short time later in their individual costumes and were almost immediately swamped by women bearing posters and pens. They made their way to a long table set up along one wall and sat down, taking out pens and getting into the slower side of the gig. Almost everyone pulled out cameras and those without found it easy enough to find someone who would let them borrow theirs. Rafaela slipped Ronon a note as she leant on the table, smiling seductively. Ronon grinned as he pocketed it and signed the poster in front of him.  
'Keep the jacket as my gift to you.' he added with a wink before she walked away, his jacket hung comfortably around her shoulders. 

+^+^+^+

The group were totally exhausted by the time the last of the women left but they still had work to so. Several more guys walked in and together they worked at returning the Gateroom to its proper state.  
'Did you have a good night?' Chuck asked as he rolled up another lighting cable.  
'Aye, it was good fun. Radek was the show stopper and Dr Biro fainted.' Carson replied from where he was helping Sheppard pull down the backdrops.  
'What? I don't believe you.' Major Rutherford added, unbolting the forward sections of the stage.  
'Believe it Elliot, he is hung. You could name your price as a porn star with that cock.' Lorne replied, glancing up at Radek working on bringing down the lighting from the overhead rails.  
'Possibly, but I am quite happy where I am. Was that a Prince Albert I spotted you with during our last song?' Radek asked, looking down from his precarious perch as he handed Ronon another light.  
'Yeah, it was a dare for my 21st. Did you see McKay's birthmark?' Lorne added, worming further under the front section of the stage.  
'Yeah, I saw it. Looked like a pair of lips to me.' Ronon replied as he set the lights in the large crate behind him.  
'Yes, I have a kiss shaped birthmark on my dick. Are you all happy now? Anyone else happen to spot Kavanagh's bald patch?' Rodney snapped as he unplugged the strobe lights and set them in their boxes.  
'Relax Rodney, tonight was supposed to be fun, don't get snarky now.' Carson soothed as he worked.  
'I saw that, never seen anything quite like it before. Half a thicket, that's just weird.' Sheppard replied with a soft chuckle. Kavanagh went slightly red as he coiled up more of the lighting cables.  
'I noticed that you shaved Ronon. Trying to make yourself seem bigger or something?' he added, looking up at the taller man. Ronon shrugged as he took another couple lights from Radek's hands.  
'Been doing that for years. Found it to be a huge bonus while running, helped keep chafing to a minimum.' Ronon replied, setting the lights gently into the box.   
'Reckon you'll ever do it again?' Rutherford asked innocently, considering having a go if that was the case.  
'Who knows? It all depends on Elizabeth. If she thinks the women need another morale boost, we'll consider doing this again.' Carson replied with a shrug as the last backdrop hit the deck and he climbed down, Sheppard right behind him. Radek scrambled down from the overhead lighting rig a few minutes later and helped Carson, Sheppard and Ronon fold up the canvas backdrops and pile them up on a trolley in front of the stage. They then pulled down the lighting rigs and packed everything away neatly, buoyed by the success of the night.

+^+^+^+

Ronon yawned as the last of the gear was wheeled away and dug Rafaela's note out of his pocket, carefully unfolding it; "Ronon, come to my room when you're finished packing up. Rafaela." He grinned and quickly returned the paper to his pocket as the last of the group returned.  
'Night everyone.' he added before turning and walking off, wondering what Rafaela wanted to see him about.  
'Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. See you tomorrow.' Sheppard agreed before following Ronon, backpack slung loosely over one shoulder.   
'Aye, bed time. It's been a busy day. Night all.' Carson called, stumbling slightly on the stairs. The rest of the group went their separate ways too, eyes heavy as they walked.


	5. Next Day

Ronon grumbled softly as he walked into the Gateroom, a hickey clearly evident on his neck. Rodney nodded in greeting but said nothing, obviously he hadn't had enough coffee yet but Sheppard was quick to rise to the bait.  
'Ohh, someone got lucky last night. So, who's the lucky lady?' he asked, walking over to the group.  
'A true gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.' Ronon replied with a shrug.  
'Have a good day Ronon.' Rafaela called from the top of the stairs. Ronon grinned as he turned to her and waved.  
'You too Rafaela. Don't work to hard now.' he replied, winking quickly. Sheppard stared in amazement before a huge grin cracked his face.  
'You sly dog. I'm happy for you, she's a nice woman.' he added. Ronon just shrugged as Weir walked down to join them.  
'It's a nice easy one today guys, after all, you did stay up extremely late last night. There's a problem with the shield generator on M7G-677. Nice hickey Ronon.' she said before nodding to Chuck up it the control room. He nodded back and dialled the gate, winking at Ronon before the team stepped through, back to the daily grind and their one time performance as Wraithbait nothing but a memory. Every woman in the city had one of their posters in her room with their autographs scrawled across it.

When the science department heard that Radek could do the splits, they demanded proof so Radek cleared off one of the tables, toed off his shoes, climbed up and put the proof before them, proving once and for all that he could do the splits both ways.

None of the nursing staff could keep a straight face when Carson walked into the infirmary, smiling softly.   
'What?' Carson asked, watching Lucy struggle to hold back the giggles.  
'Sorry, after last night, it's hard to see you as the same Carson Beckett.' Lucy replied, grinning like crazy.  
'Oh, is that right. We'll see what happens when you ladies have your turn.' Carson added before vanishing into his office, chuckling softly.


End file.
